In Which We Wander The Alleys

Some months ago, Mr. C.W.L. Darling – we’ve known each other since we were five, and we’re still fairly close – was having a birthday celebration. The theme – released months in advance – was “Tragic Drag”. Now, I know that he meant drag badly done, but I immediately knew that it was absolutely necessary that I dress as Miss Havisham, from Great Expectations, and that I do it badly. If you’re not familiar, she’s a spiteful spinster that has worn her wedding dress for several decades. She’s rather bitter.

Miss Havisham, Original Crazy Cat Lady, Spinster, Desperate, Stained Wedding Dress

Obviously, I would need a wedding dress, and while I used to be able to slip into a size six years ago, that is no longer the case. I also wanted to distress it, so it couldn’t be too expensive. That’s why, while waiting to see Beauty and the Beast: 3-D, Ex-Husband and I went to the local thrift shop, where we found something approximately in my size. For the next several weeks, I’d don that dress each evening, trying to simulate sixty years of heartbreak and madness in a fortnight. I slashed the skirt to ribbons while I was wearing it. I spilled several kinds of wine in various spots, set it on fire, rolled around in the mud while wearing it, and so on and so forth – I’m a dedicated costumer. Unfortunately, Ex-Husband drew the line at my drawing blood to put onto the dress, despite the fact that it would add verisimilitude. I don’t see the problem – it wouldn’t have been his.

Finally, it was all set, and the day had arrived. Now, I don’t drive anymore, and Ex-Husband wasn’t invited, and had other plans, anyway. He took me to Tacoma, where I was catching a ride with some friends, but he had to be in Seattle several hours before I was to meet them – at the Mix, as it happens – and the bar wasn’t open yet. Clearly I was not going to be wearing a wedding gown and all the accoutrements all day, or downtown in daylight. Therefore, a fifty gallon black trash-bag was the obvious solution. I wandered about the streets I knew best, found a spot of lunch, and still had time to spare. When I’m at loose ends, I tend to explore, and that’s how I found myself wandering down a warren of brick alley-ways with a wedding dress in a sack.

Two hours later, I was able to roundez-vous with my ride and get a cocktail or two. For the record, the party was splendid, although my host *did* have to assist in wrangling my train for the bulk of the evening. Tragic Drag Ball, Miss Havisham Cosplay, Spinster, Drag, Awful Drag

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About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
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7 Responses to In Which We Wander The Alleys

  1. Karen Eggers says:

    I just have to say it…I FUCKING LOVE YOU….

  2. ekgo says:

    Miss Havisham isn’t a spinster. Dude, her husband is RIGHT UPSTAIRS!

    You seriously take “Trash the Dress” to a whole new level. Impressive. Very impressive.

    Oh, by the way, I’m still at work but off the clock because I wanted to read a little more before I went home tonight. You know, since I won’t be back til Monday.

  3. paisleyglen says:

    Fair enough.

    Wait – I thought the whole point of her crazy make-a-boy-fall-in-love-and-then-DESTROY-HIS-HEART thing was because of her being left at the altar? It’s been awhile, I’ll have to go back and reread. :p

    • ekgo says:

      It’s been awhile for me, too. But I thought I remember his corpse upstairs in the bridal sweet, mouldering away for all eternity?
      Maybe that’s just the ending I wanted. Clif’s Notes! Where are you?

  4. ekgo says:

    Haha! NO, I was asking Clif’s Notes where they were. I know where you are. I’m a stalker.
    Did you edit Post the Tenth before or after I commented on it? Because I might have read it when it was freshly edited and that gives me little shivers of excitement. Because I have a degree in English, as most of us do.

    • paisleyglen says:

      It was before you read it, and then when you commented on it, I read it again, and want to edit it yet again. :p It was absolutely fresh when you got to it.

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