A Response

First and foremost, I have to thank WordPress for featuring me on Freshly Pressed. I have had more traffic this week than I’ve ever seen, and it’s been magnificent. I sit here, constantly clicking refresh and watching the numbers soar ever higher. I feel like Victoria Elizabeth Barnes, and it’s glamorous. Welcome, all you brand-new glorious Gentle Readers. I hope you stick around, or at least go back to the utter beginning and read every single post. Twice, if you love me. There’s also the ever-so-tempting option of helping to fund my adventures or buy my book.

Patchwork Narrative

Speaking of ancient posts from many, many months ago, when I started this blog, there was a bit of family trouble. We had to visit a lawyer regarding our options about a very unpleasant situation with my grandfather’s widow. Feelings were running high, and I couldn’t cope. I started drinking at two thirty in the afternoon, and posted this by five. Go ahead and take a minute to read it, if you haven’t already, because it’s currently the second-most viewed post on this blog, right after the one featured over on Freshly Pressed. You may also want to check out the comment section, and my new friend Sally Mae.

My perspective on this situation (the Sally Mae situation, not the situation described in the post) is probably a little skewed, because all of this just happened, and I’m a little shaken up by the whole thing, but I believe that I tried to explain that I wrote the post from a very hurt place, and the situation with Lillian has somewhat stabilized since then.

Stable

Frankly, if I’d remembered the damned post was still up, all these months later, I would have pulled it.

So, Sally Mae, while you may have spoken to family members at the funeral, they were not necessarily giving their true opinions. I know that I was exhausted that day, and having an anxiety attack, and murmuring polite nonsense to well-wishers and fellow mourners, whose faces all blurred together.  Funerals are wearying.

What’s more, Sally Mae, there are a lot of stories that I could tell you about people’s actions that do seem a little cruel. I can understand Lillian’s fear that we were out for money or the house – which was the furthest thing from anyone’s mind. What we were out for were old letters, photographs, and heirlooms – things that she was sorting through, on her own, without a member of the family there to help her know what might be important and what not. I know for a fact that several items were taken to Goodwill, and feelings were deeply hurt on both sides. After the initial lawyer’s visit, to determine our options, we collectively decided to drop the matter, not because we didn’t have a case, but because it seemed unkind.

Kindness

I suspect, Sally, that the “karma” you called upon is in actuality me being further disinherited for speaking from a place of hurt and anger, and I suspect that a little bird might be helping that “karma” along. As I’d mentioned in one of the comments on the other post, though, a dialogue has opened since that point in time, and I have received some very precious heirlooms. The record collection I was so keen to acquire, for example, I now have, as well as my grandfather’s jewelry box – which, when I opened it, had a hand-written note saying “For Tyler” in it, causing me to cry, right in front of Lillian. She started crying, too; we hugged.

Perhaps you don’t know as much of the story as you think, darling. I’ve been trying very hard to see things from your point of view; I hope you’ll do the me the courtesy of trying to see things from mine.

Advertisements

About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
This entry was posted in Drama, Updates and Other House-keeping Posts and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to A Response

  1. Karen says:

    Well said, my friend. The redneck backup is still here if you need it. Love u to pieces.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      ❤ Thank you, my dear.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      Thank you so much, my dear. This whole thing has brought up a lot of emotions I thought I’d already processed, and I am in a really weird headspace right now. I need all the love and support I can get!

  2. You are a far better person than I.

    Also: I have a hero crush on you.

    Karma, so I have been told, can be a double edged sword for those who are unkind and judgy to others. (Ps. That is a word. If it wasn’t – I wouldn’t have written it. )

    3>

  3. Lisa Hope says:

    After reading “Sally Mae’s” comments on your first post I have some very strong feelings about his abhorrent behavior.

    You posted a personal statement of your emotional state. You put your name to it, stood by it, owned it, and have been fair about the progression from that point. You have not engaged in petty or cruel sniping. You have not lied. You have admitted that you have a biased point of view. In short in admitting your faults in honesty you have been honorable and everything I expect from a Masonic Brother.

    Let me be clear my standards are high in all the places that matter. I speak as the granddaughter of a 3rd generation Mason. I was raised around Lodge, Chapter, and Bethel. I was raised around 33rd degree masons. I know my Lodge teachings. I know what is expected of a Brother and how Brother’s are taught to treat each other and those weaker than themselves. Masons do not have to be perfect. The best Brothers I know are the deepest flawed and the most honest about it.

    That person showed no honor and no characteristics I listed. Internet trolls do not meet the standards to be Masons. It is Brothers like that that are the reason the Lodge is dying.

    “Sallie Mae” was cruel and a liar even holding him to a standard for decent people. Most notably by starting off with a statement that he had access to and intimate knowledge of ‘insiders in the know’ then later asking for the number of your aunt. If he knew the family enough to call you out then he would know the family well enough to know your grandfather’s daughter. He obviously doesn’t know your family on an intimate basis and he got what little information he has at the funeral (by his own words). He is nothing more than a gossip and not even one with the guts to use his own name.

    Do not let anyone shame you for the faults you admit and take into the light of day. Do not belittle yourself because of them either. While you try to understand other people just keep in mind that people like Sallie Mae are cruel and will turn your efforts against you. So be understanding but don’t let that be used against you because you are fabulous.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      Thank you so much, Lisa. I shared your words with my aunts, and they are such a comfort.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      Also, Lisa, did you see Sally’s response down below? I am really upset that he or she did not regard your response, which would have been very validating, or my mother’s response, which would have been very poignant. I don’t know what to make of the new response. This whole thing has been aggravating my anxiety, and I’ve been a wreck. I hope that Sally knows that. However, Lisa, your kind words as a member of our the kill your institution, means a lot.you have made me cry, but tears of Solace, kindness, healing. You made me feel that I wasn’t a horrible person, human being, or brother. Sallie Mae, though, made me feel as though I’d betrayed everything that my family and my brotherhood stood for. Thank you for reassuring me.

      • Tyler J. Yoder says:

        *peculiar, not ” the kill your.” This voice recognition stuff isn’t so great.

      • Lisa Hope says:

        Tyler, I did catch that both my response and your mother’s response were ignored while there were responses to all of yours. I agree that responses to any comment besides your own would have been validating and a reaction from a reasoning adult and thusly a hopeful sign. The lack of such rips the hope of reasonable discourse away from you and understandably causes you grief and anxiety. Also, Sally does know this and has done this deliberately and with malice because Sally is a troll. The language used has been belittling and pejorative every step of the way. There is a form of mental abuse called gaslighting, please look it up, because Sally’s behavior is a classic attempt. The only reason that this Troll has not completely succeeded is because those around you have called this horrible person out every step of the way.

        The only people that can say if you have betrayed your family are your mother and her siblings. From what you have said they would not agree that you have betrayed them. Everything I have *ever* heard of you while irreverent could never be classified as a betrayal. Someone might be mortified but not betrayed. As far as the Brotherhood goes I *know* you have not betrayed your vows. Period. You may not have been perfect in following them at all times but you strive for them as much as anyone I know. I will stand toe-to-toe with *anyone* who says different. You are welcome for the reassurance but I really is the honest truth.

  4. Tyler J. Yoder says:

    Dear Sally Mae, ( I spent a great deal of time trying to post this on my mother’s behalf,as I am at her house, and my mobile device caused problems, but these are her words, transcribed faithfully, and she *has* given permission for you to ask Lillian for her telephone number, if you truly know her.)

    In response to your cruel attacks on my family, and how you talked to many members of the family at George’s funeral, I am in total shock and awe. How cowardly to spew such venom, without even leaving your name? I know in my heart and soul that the Yoders just want to talk and see everyone, and work things out in a peaceful, moral, manner.

    Do you even understand how hard it is to have lost so many loved ones, and then be denied to even visit where their ashes are scattered? It makes us cry everytime we talk about it. I don’t know who you are, but don’t you ever try to harm or hurt my family again. If you ever want to talk to me I have nothing to hide. My name is Carolyn Dorothy Yoder, and you can ask Lilian for my number.

  5. Ash says:

    Well said my dear friend. And well said to everyone who left their comments on this, and the other post. I read all of it. Both posts and the comments left there. I’m terribly sorry that this person decided to chide you about your own feelings. Yet you managed to stay eloquent (as if you would be anything but) in defending yourself. Most people these days would have a response with all capital letters, lots of swear words, and many exclamation points.

  6. Ash says:

    This person, I hope, at least understands that. You have been nothing but honest about the way you feel and the fact that you know you were biased in the situation, because that’s what you were experiencing and feeling. The sad thing is, it’s that it seems as though no one can put their feelings or opinions out there, without someone bashing you for it in one way or the other. I just hope that you know you have an army of friends willing to stand up for you, no matter what.
    And to Sally Mae, I hope this response blog that was written just for you has opened your mind to be a bit more understanding. When people are hurting, all they’re going to do is talk about what and why they are hurting and damn to everyone who isn’t, or who is acting like they aren’t.

  7. Sally Mae 2 says:

    Thank you Tyler for your response. It shows that you have thought farther than that point in time when you wrote the first entry. My point was and still is for you to consider all sides. Everyone’s reality is a bit different from everyone else’s. You might be thinking I dislike you but, you would be wrong… I have spoken up on your behalf many times thru the years. yes, you are entitled to your feelings and memories we all are and we all don’t have to agree on everything always. I appreciate that this space is your blog…I appreciate where you said you would have removed the post had you remembered it was still up… that’s the problem with “online blogs” once it’s out there, it’s out there forever causing hurt and mayhem long after the healing has happened for whatever the subject matter of the entry. Long after you have worked thru your feelings either your grandfather’s friends or heaven forbid,Lillian or Lillian’s family members might find this and then the pain begins again.
    I don’t consider constructive critism or pointing out questions you may not have considered in your thought process, or pointing out discrepencies of which I have knowledge to be Yoder bashing or mean, rather it should be eye opening and thought prodding. Grief does cause people to become fearful, regretful, mad, sad, the entire spectrum of emotions is at work even in the closest of families. always in blended familes.
    I am gladdened to read you have your grandfather’s things and treasure them. It sounds like she is doing what your grandfather may have expressed to her with his personal belongings. It is a wonderful thing that you and your family are healing and mending. It is encouraging that you and Lillian hugged and cried together remembering a man you both loved and cared about very deeply.
    I wish you well in your writings. Hopefully you will travel as you long to do. Someday we will meet at the lodge.
    to cdy: thought provoking questions, opinions or differing points of view I have written here were not to HURT Tyler. but, to get him thinking. I won’t be asking Lillian for your number as that would require an explanation and more heartache for all of you. She speaks proudly of Tyler and you. I won’t impede your family’s healing.
    As you wish Tyler, I won’t comment further on the matter.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      Sally, I’m glad that you replied.I wanted to engage with you. Of course I’m considering all the sides. However I don’t think all parties involved are considering all sides. Of course grandpa wanted to take care of his widow. He often spoke of widows and orphans, and our duty to them, and I respect that. However, if you think that I’ve been speaking with anything but restraint, then you do not know the situation as well as you think.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      Honestly,I do not think that I have anything to hide. If someone from the lodge, or Lillian, or her relatives should stumble upon my blog as you have, well, -perhaps they will question their own thinking, or look at the subject objectively, or deign to consider our position, or listen to our side. I have not lied, Sally, not now, and not all those months ago, not on this. There are many stories I have embroidered, and this is not one. I held my tongue as far as I was able. Unless you are Lillian herself, or her niece V, who is her right hand, there are things that you cannot possibly be privy to. If you are one of those two, you’ll know I told the truth, and was as calm about it as I could be. I hope that you understand that there is so much that I’ve left out, and so much you can’t possibly know. I hope that you learn to understand what people are saying, Sally Mae, because so far you keep ignoring people’s responses, or the thrust of what a responder has said to you. Cheers, and thank you for coming here.

    • Tyler J. Yoder says:

      that last bit came off a little harder than I intended on rereading. thank you very much for standing up for me over the years? Although I can’t imagine why you would have needed to, or to whom. I know that you think that you’re helping here, but I don’t think that you know as much as you think you know.

      You know, its funny that you should stumble upon my blog on the day of the one year anniversary of my grandfather’s death.

      If you’ve stood up for me in the past, I cannot imagine that you wouldn’t give your name. I do not lie; I will exaggerate, embroider, codify a story until it’s worth hearing, but this particular instance is raw, unfiltered, unedited. I am more concerned about Aunt Carole reading that I consider her the June Cleaver of my family (post the ninety-sixth, I believe? In which we’re with the band) than in am with anyone else reading anything else. I am a storyteller, but whenever possible, I tell the truth. Excessively; I am unpopular for that reason.

    • Lisa Hope says:

      Sally, I am going to take a step that none of Tyler’s other friends have taken and address you directly.

      The tone, language, and content of your comments have been deliberately hurtful, using a false tone of caring, and guidance. Across the comments of 3 different threads the content of your statements have been addressed by multiple people yet you deliberately ignore them in order to continue to speak to Tyler as if he were an errant child spreading malicious lies. You also show yourself as a two-faced gossip by claiming to have come to his defense for years while at the same time accusing him of being so selfish as to not know the difference between his grandfather wanting his wife cared for and his grandfather wanting his children disinherited, you also accuse him of not thinking about how those perpetrating this indignities feel. The fact that you ask these questions *at all* proves to those in the know that you are ignorant of who Tyler, Maman, and her sisters are as people. At best you efforts are manipulation to make yourself seem more important to the world at large and at worst this is called gaslighting and is a form mental abuse.

      Also, if you are a member of the Lodge then you should be ashamed of yourself. Your behavior goes against *everything* the Masonic Order teaches about how Brothers should treat each other. I honestly hope that Tyler goes to Lodge and you introduce yourself. Then he can go to the Worshipful Master and/or Grand Master and report your behavior as unbecoming a Brother. As a my family has had Masons in this country since the first Lodge in the US and my personal credentials include being raised around 33rd degree Masons plus Bethel and Chapter, I was raised as Masonic as they come I know what is expected of a Brothers in the Lodge and Shrine as well as Sisters in every order. You have *no right* to act the way you have and mention the Lodge at the same time. The fact that you have makes me sick and angry.

      If you really are in the know as much as you claim to be and if you really do know the family as much as you say you do then you know you have caused hurt within George’s family. It is time for you to think about your own behavior and it’s effect on other people. You have caused more harm than good here. Now it is time to address directly the issues and questions brought up by Tyler and Maman plus any comments they have said they would like addressed. They have offered you the opportunity to come into the light of day and show your face. You can do this publically on the internet so you can stand by your words, you can do this by actually contacting Tyler, Maman, and her sister and speaking directly to those you have injured, you can continue to snipe anonymously like a coward, or you can slink off and leave Tyler, Maman, and the Family alone.

  8. Pingback: Post the Thirtieth: In which a Lawyer is engaged | Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor

  9. Pingback: Year’s End Wrap-Up | Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor

Have something to say, darling? Don't be shy!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s