In Which There Is An Epiphany

Gentle Reader, I’m afraid that I’m not doing at all well, today. More than just the ordinary mental merry-go-round. My departure date for Europe is in less than six months; there have been a few snags regarding sustainability, shelter, and so on. I had an epiphany this morning, while I was writing the Ex-Husband – this trip has brought me new life, happiness, a goal to work towards – in a word, hope. If I delay this journey in any way, I will quite frankly die of stagnation and depression, and I would succumb to all my habits and evils that I am currently valiantly wrestling against. If I want to live, I have to make this insane venture work.

This epiphany, however, is not the one in the title; it merely reminded me of it. After several glasses of wine, one winter, while I was in a similar suicidal slump, I attempted to cheer myself up with whimsy – sometimes this works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I donned a silver taffeta fantasy and my tiny crown, Theodore, and sent a photo out into the aether.

Epiphany1

The tiny crown wasn’t cutting it, and neither was the wine. I sank deeper and deeper in a widening mire. In the bathroom, I was suddenly harangued by my double in the mirror – he really laid into me. I fought back, of course, and there were some tears on both sides.

That’s when he told me he loved – that is, I told me that I loved myself. Flaws, failings, and all – for the first time in my entire life, I actually understood the concept of loving myself – and what’s more, liking the person the person I was, and was becoming, despite everything.

While I very much need the hand of hope held in front of me, I am sometimes able to draw comfort from this memory.

About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
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14 Responses to In Which There Is An Epiphany

  1. I really relate to this post. I am moving out of state in the Spring, and I feel the exact same way. I can’t wait to get there and start a new chapter in my life. I’m hoping it will distract me from all the mayhem and letdowns of life. It makes me hold my head up higher, reading how you were able to discover love of/for yourself, it’s very inspiring. I hope Europe is more than you ever dreamed for! I can’t wait to see pictures and read stories of your great adventures!

  2. jendgates says:

    *hugs* You will make it! And thank you for sharing. It helps, more than you know.

  3. selkielady says:

    This is a lovely piece. =) Thank you for sharing it.

  4. selkielady says:

    Also, I absolutely love that picture! ❤ You need some seriously fancy Elizabethan clothes.

  5. I love you Tyler J, Yoder! You are inspiring!

    Also – had you sent me that picture… I would have immediately asked you to marry me, and be my wife. Or husband. Or just be indefinitely engaged to be friends. Whatever.

    XXoo
    3>
    Robyn

  6. Rosalind says:

    I had a similar, paralyzing terror prooooobably around your age with a similar situation. Do the best you can and then go. If it collapses, it collapses, but you won’t actually know until you get there and have given yourself 3 or 4 months to get it sorted.

  7. Pingback: Post the Fortieth: In which we find Poetic Interlude IV | Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor

  8. Pingback: Post the Fortieth: In Which We Find Poetic Interlude IV | Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor

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