I was woken by the telephone, Gentle Reader. It wasn’t early, and it wasn’t late, but Mr. Darling’s voice was on the machine. I’m not good at mornings at the best of times, and I was awfully confused.
“This call is for Tyler – if he wants to experience an impromptu adventure, he should call me back in the next fifteen to twenty minutes.”
And so I called him back, and was still packing when he showed up half an hour later. I brutally shoved as much coffee as possible into my face, slung my bags over my shoulder, and marched out to his mother’s waiting car.
Mrs. Darling has known me since I was small, and since her family was going to Leavenworth* for a few days, and since my European plans hadn’t worked out, and since my birthday was coming up, she graciously decided to invite me to join them in our state’s Little Bavaria.
There were seven of us: Mr. and Mrs. Darling, Christopher and I, Christopher’s elder brother A, and his wife, K, and, of course, Auntie Tracy. There were also three dogs.
Naturally, Christopher and I were having the most fun of anyone else on this road trip, and it’s all thanks to the power of selfies:
En route, we stopped a few times, most notably at… I’m not really sure. There was a farmer’s market, and a petting zoo, and a corn maze† there? So we engaged in shenanigans while the rest of the Darling clan got supplies.
Christopher and I have known each other since kindergarten; at school, they had these big tires that we’d climb on or hide inside, you know?
We found a charming little bar, that had been set up for the holiday weekend? This clearly prompted me to transform into an old-timey saloon girl.
And then Mr. Christopher Darling, the city-wise sophisticate, indulged in some cow ropin’. That’s right, ropin’.
Back in the car, with about another hour’s drive, we passed the time as best we could. Christopher, that slim bitch, can apparently snack to his heart’s content and not gain an ounce of weight. I gazed on in envy, and did my best to eat like a bird.
And then, while discussing Tumblr and Cultural Appropriation, we had a turban-off – that is, who can tie a fashionable turban without a mirror the best?
After all the road-trip hijinks, it was almost anticlimactic to arrive at our charming cabin in the woods. Christopher and I were to stay in the Cedar Room, which according to the guest book was haunted –
– and we settled in for our impromptu trip to the mountains.
*Leavenworth is a touristy town that requires all of its businesses and residences to be quaint. By law. It’s a “Bavarian” “Village” where you will see a whimsical clocktower on the McDonald’s, and so on. Since I didn’t get to go to real Bavaria, Mrs. Darling wanted to offer me the closest alternative. It was very sweet, and dare I say, darling‡ of her.
†There’s video of this maze, which is not in fact made of corn. It’s made out of sticks zip-tied to each other, with really bad “riddles”§ at the dead ends. Cow-themed puns, really, if that.
‡In lieu of smacking me, please smack whoever’s closest to you.
§What do you get when you feed a cow money? It isn’t moo-lah, as one would presume; the correct answer is evidently Rich Cream. What.