Gentle Reader, I’ve been increasingly out of shape for the last year or so, and in accordance with the damned list, I have to do something about that. I mean, I want to be in better shape – I just want it to happen in a shower of pixiedust, or possibly a quick montage.
Despite the fact that I’m technically a Disney Princess, that’s unlikely to happen. Which brings us back to everyone’s favorite List.
The Task: Begin a workout regime. Stick to it.
The Execution: This is obviously still in progress, because it’s open ended. So, as I said, I’ve been getting out of shape – to the point where I went up a pant size for the first time since high school. I know that isn’t a huge deal compared to some people, but my body image has never been the greatest, and it’s just getting worse. Plus, as a heavy smoker for the last decade, I’m getting a trifle wheezy these days – it wasn’t so bad when I was working in Concrete, or even later on, on the Farm – just now that I’m more sedentary. HOORAY!
So, I did a little inconclusive research about what the best beginning exercises would be, and was vexed. So on day one, I did fifty crunches and fifteen pushups? I then did my Deportment Exercise*, and had a twenty minute dance party†. This was the daily routine for week one.
Week two, I doubled down, with 100 assorted crunches and thirty push-ups per diem. The dance party part was also increased, to the point that instead of walking across the house for any reason, I was dancing.
And, except for a few days during week three when I was having adventures with Mr. Darling in a cabin in the woods, I’ve been pretty good about sticking to this routine. Except when I’m depressed or hungover or concentrating really hard on putting a book together. But I’ve been sticking to it most days. The dance-party part is the best bit, anyway.
The Verdict: Well, I haven’t really been seeing any results, but I’m only a month or so into this. And it’s a bit of a pain, to be honest, but I need to do it. Besides, I have a boyfriend now and I’d like to be in better shape, because I’m weird about my body anyway. So meh? I also plan on swimming a fair bit this summer, so there’s that.
If you have suggestions for better exercises for beginners, or for things that have dramatic weight loss results, I’d love to hear what they are!
*Deportment is all about grace, posture, and moving elegantly. This particular exercise involves shifting the center of balance lower, imagining your spine as a strand of pearls, and having heavy elbows.
†If the dance party and discoball/disney imagery didn’t already make this exercise routine pretty gay, the fact that I was dancing to the soundtrack from Cole Porter’s Anything Goes ramps this up to at least a Kinsey Five, and it’s an exercise routine that can’t even have sexual experiences.