Straight Boy Fever

Gentle Reader, I’ve been trying to come to grips with something that’s been gnawing away at the back of my brain for weeks – straight boys, and how I relate to them. Rather, that I have trouble relating to them. Because of this, I haven’t been able to write an original post here for weeks – this whole straight boy nonsense just keeps jumping in, preventing me from any of the regular precious nonsense that goes on here. I just couldn’t get a handle on the matter – what is it, precisely, about straight dudes that I take such issue with?*

There’s a fair bit of material on my mind to work with, too – I just can’t seem to make sense of it all. I thought, though, since obviously I have to post something about it, that you might be able to help? Therefore, so that I can get past this whole thing which I am frankly sick of, I present to you:

Difficult Straight

1. They are alien and fascinating.  I don’t understand the culture, the manners and mores; their in-group associations and just the entirety of their behavior. Even individuals with whom I’ve been long acquainted have a passing knowledge of all of this. So I’m drawn to them out of curiosity? Out of a desire to affect protective camouflage? Also, frequently, they’re hot.

Straight Dude

This is what y’all do all the time, right? Carry tires about?

2. I find them intimidating, and must assume that a given individual is a threat or will be become belligerent at the slightest provocation.

Punchy Straight Dude

It takes a long time to build trust that he won’t, as a matter of safety.

3. Items one and two lead me to a certain amount of anger – being drawn to them but also finding it impossible to pass amongst them undetected while simultaneously fearing for my safety if I’m found out – the situation is aggravating, untenable.


What about now? Am I passing now?

4. When that trust is earned – as frequently it is, in this increasingly accepting day and age – if a straight boy shows me the slightest kindness, I just completely melt, and will frequently fall completely. This is a problem. It doesn’t usually last long, and I can usually hide it, but it’s a thing that bothers me. I should be able to be friends with a straight guy without having to pass through some dumb crush. Oi.

Straight Dude Gay Dude


5. My peers frequently describe themselves as “straight-acting”, find straight-acting dudes more desirable,  and avoid femmes, which smacks to me of internalized homophobia, as well as the reinforcing the notion that “heterosexual” behavior is superior, more desirable, and more socially acceptable. That is to say, it doesn’t matter who you sleep with, so long as you behave “normally” in society. Which seems strange to me.


Like, fuck YEAH we’re dating, bro, but we’re not, like, fags, man.

So there you have it, Gentle Reader. The connundra above – I can’t solve them, or figure out precisely what I’m trying to say here. These five points bother me, but I’m not sure what to do about them or if anything needs doing or if it’s just me. Your thoughts, please?


*No straight dudes were harmed in the writing of this post. Also, I’m sorry for the ridiculous amount of beefcake. You’re welcome.

About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
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6 Responses to Straight Boy Fever

  1. heyelsa says:

    Since I was small, I’ve not been quite certain of my place on the gender tilt-a-whirl…I have a square head, and when my mom cut off my long girlie hair at age 10 or so, everyone assumed I was a boy. Perhaps she could have taken me to a salon and not a barber, but she didn’t realize how much of a difference it would make. So I’m a little butch at age 10, and I didn’t get why people thought I was a boy. I mean, I climbed trees, and chewed on my Barbie’s feet, and rode my BMX bike down the street wearing an ecology-flag towel as a cape, and . . . oh, wait, I get it now.

    Throughout my life I have been interested in things that are gender non-conforming, like fixing my vehicles, making car models, building tree forts, and the like. Women are intimidated by me because I know “too many” “guy” things. Men like me the way they like a bro; I’m not pretty enough to fit in their whore-Madonna assumptions about women, and not butch enough to trigger latent homo-dude ideas in their rigid brains.

    (In my current job, I am mistaken for male if my hair is pulled back and I’m not wearing earrings. Seriously? 38Ds and you think I’m a guy? Okay, customer, whatever. I’m happy to give you the female interpreter you are requesting.)

    For a while in my 20s and into my 30s, I figured I’d de-emphasize my masculine interests. That only served to dampen my sense of safety, confidence, and adventure. I’ve rejoiced in rediscovering “womanly” arts like sewing and embroidery, but I haven’t pushed aside the other stuff to make room. You see, there is room for all of it. I’m not saying I have to “pass”, but I do have to sometimes choose what to display and what to save for myself or those close to me.

    Make any sense at all?

    • Absolutely.

      Lately, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to code-switching and how sick to the back teeth I am of it. If it weren’t for facts of safety and harassment, I wouldn’t bother – but I don’t want to end up tied to a fence dead somewhere.

      I’m pretty sure one’s comfort with gender expression and gender identity is a very personal journey that we all undertake at our own pace, through a very complicated, convoluted society. But then, who am I to say?

  2. ekgo says:

    I’m not here. I mean, it looks like I am but I obviously am not as I am having hiatus.
    But anyway, now I’m going to say something that sounds flippant and dismissive, trite and lacking in compassion…as is my way. :/
    However, you sound like a girl. Well, a straight girl, at least.
    And when I say that, I mean, these are the same feelings many women have, too. For different and for similar reasons, obviously. Fascination and fear, trying to be perceived in the “right” way, getting crushes on guys just because they’re nice to us (what the hell does that say about how we expect to be treated by men? Holy hell, that’s just jacked up), and being confused about when and why masculinity rears up. It’s all coming from a different perspective but we’re all ending up in the same place.
    Ok, except for the statement about straight guys being hot. Most of us straight girls are saying that about the gay guys. By the way, you have lovely forearms. I mean, I think I’ve told you about your nice arms before but, really, you have nice arms. Well done.
    Hiatus beckons me back. I must away.

    • Oh, solidarity is never dismissive, my dear. Even if I do feel a bit silly about all of this. This has all been vaguely bothering me for *weeks*, keeping me from writing anything else – but, as you can see, it’s just a lot of blether.

      I mean, there are some differences – people make it perfectly clear that I’m supposed to act like these fellas, down to belches and spitting, or talking about cars and, um, tools – or, alternatively, video games, tie widths, pipe-smoking – all sorts of things, depending on the type of man I want to be. The type of man I want to be stubbornly wants to let the soft animal of his body love what it loves, like guns and pearls and sewing ridiculous outfits and camping.

      I’m still not making sense, which is why I left that ridiculous list just lying around the place. Hopefully I’ll be able to get past this blockage now that I’ve gotten something on the subject out into the aether. I appreciate the comment about “what does that say about how we expect to be treated’ – precisely, my dear. Precisely. It says a lot about our society.

      Thanks for popping out of your hiatus long enough to say something, darling. I hope you’re well. And also thanks about the arms. I’m back at the car-wash, which is fantastic for them. All my love, Erica.


      • deenietot says:

        I was going to say something very similar about being a hetero female and having the same thoughts and feelings about the straight boys. In my case, I was teased so much in my youth for being overweight that I never wanted to put myself out there, for fear of being singled out and teased/tormented again.. and I’d do my best to blend in and not draw attention to myself. I’ve not yet grown out of this. If a guy is nice to me, I generally develop a crush.. at the same time, in the back of my mind, I’m telling myself he’s just being friendly and it’s nothing. I *do not* make the first move.. and the guy has to make it blatantly obvious for me to understand that it’s not just him being nice if he’s actually into me.

        • Oh, I know just what you mean, Nubstep. I just assume that I’m undatable around 90% of the time. And then, if I *d0* find myself in a relationship – I’m never at all at ease if the fella isn’t making things PERFECTLY CLEAR all the damned time. I need a lot of reassurance, and to know that he wants to be there; I have trouble believing it.

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