Gentle Reader, I’ve been trying to come to grips with something that’s been gnawing away at the back of my brain for weeks – straight boys, and how I relate to them. Rather, that I have trouble relating to them. Because of this, I haven’t been able to write an original post here for weeks – this whole straight boy nonsense just keeps jumping in, preventing me from any of the regular precious nonsense that goes on here. I just couldn’t get a handle on the matter – what is it, precisely, about straight dudes that I take such issue with?*
There’s a fair bit of material on my mind to work with, too – I just can’t seem to make sense of it all. I thought, though, since obviously I have to post something about it, that you might be able to help? Therefore, so that I can get past this whole thing which I am frankly sick of, I present to you:
1. They are alien and fascinating. I don’t understand the culture, the manners and mores; their in-group associations and just the entirety of their behavior. Even individuals with whom I’ve been long acquainted have a passing knowledge of all of this. So I’m drawn to them out of curiosity? Out of a desire to affect protective camouflage? Also, frequently, they’re hot.
2. I find them intimidating, and must assume that a given individual is a threat or will be become belligerent at the slightest provocation.
It takes a long time to build trust that he won’t, as a matter of safety.
3. Items one and two lead me to a certain amount of anger – being drawn to them but also finding it impossible to pass amongst them undetected while simultaneously fearing for my safety if I’m found out – the situation is aggravating, untenable.
4. When that trust is earned – as frequently it is, in this increasingly accepting day and age – if a straight boy shows me the slightest kindness, I just completely melt, and will frequently fall completely. This is a problem. It doesn’t usually last long, and I can usually hide it, but it’s a thing that bothers me. I should be able to be friends with a straight guy without having to pass through some dumb crush. Oi.
5. My peers frequently describe themselves as “straight-acting”, find straight-acting dudes more desirable, and avoid femmes, which smacks to me of internalized homophobia, as well as the reinforcing the notion that “heterosexual” behavior is superior, more desirable, and more socially acceptable. That is to say, it doesn’t matter who you sleep with, so long as you behave “normally” in society. Which seems strange to me.
So there you have it, Gentle Reader. The connundra above – I can’t solve them, or figure out precisely what I’m trying to say here. These five points bother me, but I’m not sure what to do about them or if anything needs doing or if it’s just me. Your thoughts, please?
*No straight dudes were harmed in the writing of this post. Also, I’m sorry for the ridiculous amount of beefcake. You’re welcome.