Gentle Reader, what are you even doing here? You thought that I’d have some delightful post up on a Friday which is also Halloween?
Nope. Not even a little. You shouldn’t even be here. Go forth and cause some mayhem! Be spooky! Hell, if you can’t make it out, at least dress up all alone and watch a festive flick!
I mean, I live to serve, and I love being your date when you’re alone on the hols – and I will absolutely be your imaginary internet date, for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, St. Valentine’s – you name it. But Halloween? HALLOWEEN IS MY JAM. And it should be your jam, too. Here are some reasons why:
1. Costumes: You can dress however the hell you like and NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO JUDGE YOU and you don’t have to conform to societal notions whatsoever so long as you’re not an asshole about it.
2. Candy for the children, I guess? I’m sorry, I stopped trick-or-treating at twelve, because this isn’t really a children’s holiday. They get the magic of Christmas; Halloween is a bacchanal. And I love me a bacchanal.
3. The Dead: Walls between worlds are thin, today, you guys. It’s a chance to commune with your loved ones before you go out dressed as sexy corn or something.
4. Decadently Trashy Behavior: Like I said, it’s a bacchanal. I’m not even going to pretend that I’m not going to indulge in seven million cocktails and try to get the number of that foxy little fella dressed as Chris Pratt from Guardians of the Galaxy. Or maybe he’s dressed as Elsa from Frozen – this is a gay bar, after all.
I mean, by the time you read this I’ll be drunk at a gay bar hitting on Elsa. Probably. It’s a magical night full of possibilities!
Anyway, those are only some of the reasons you should be enjoying the hell out of tonight. Go forth and frighten yourselves, darlings.