That’s a hell of a wordy title, is it not, Gentle Reader? Well. I’ll just have to try to live up to it.
No matter your beliefs, December is a time of festivity. Even if you’re not religious, you’re going to get invited to parties, light-viewings, concerts, and so on – and if you go out in public at all? The holiday cheer is inescapable. As for myself, I love this time of year with an unhealthy level of zeal, and I like my personal style to reflect that.
Step One: Obtain a really great statement sweater
Now, I’m not talking those ugly sweaters that are so bad that they’ve become a whole theme party by themselves.
I mean something in neutral tones – myself, I prefer a sort of monochrome look, but taupe, navy, and so on would still work fine. Look for some great details, like ridiculous hematite beads or something – but think classy, rather than silly. You want to make a statement, but you don’t want to go over the top. Like this:
Step Two: Accessorize
The last part of this look is rather intense, so you don’t want to go overboard at this stage. At the same time, you want to exude pure class. Think grandma’s pearls.
A fun tip, if you only have a single hole in each ear and also a ridiculous collection of clip-on earrings thanks to your late great-aunt, is to use those clip-ons higher up on the ear.
Step Three: The Hair
You’ll want some fabulous bangs to be going on. Most of your hair can be ignored, if it’s short – if it’s long, put it in a ponytail or a simple bun – but what’s important is the bangs. Maybe arrange to have an enormous curl right in the middle of your forehead.
Once you’ve arranged the bang situation, obtain a colorful scarf. Here’s where you want a bold color. Personally, I found a bright burgundy and black scarf while I was unpacking Christmas ornaments, and found that it was appropriately festive even if I’m not sure where it came from. Wrap the center around the back of your head, and hold the two tails out in front of you.
Step Four: More Scarf
Cross the two tails over one another, and pull the ends behind your head. This is best done with two hands and worst done while trying to take a photo of this step.
Step Five: Tie The Damned Scarf, Already
Tie it behind your head, on one side or the other. The knot should be just behind one of your ears, allowing the tails to flutter down becomingly, giving a bit more color to the fabulousness of your neutral sweater.
Step Six: The Best Part
So now you have a brightish scarf covering most of your hair, but your outfit doesn’t really scream holiday magic so much as it screams not-pulled-together. That’s what the last step is for, of course. Go find some faux flowers; I used velvet poinsettias, both because they match the scarf and because they’re just dripping in holiday cheer. Clip the ends, leaving yourself between four and six inches of the wire-stem bit, and bend that stem into a hook shape. Push the wire under both layers of scarf, and put the hook part between the two layers, cunningly holding your flowers in place.
And there you have it, Gentle Reader! A classy holiday look that will absolutely set you apart from the crowd. Now that you’re prepared, go R.S.V.P. to those invitations you’ve been putting off! Go get ’em, Buckaroo!