Why I’m Glad To Be Single

This time of year can get pretty rough for the perpetual singletons out there, Gentle Reader. That’s why I – in firm defiance of Hallmark and De Beer’s – have chosen to embrace the joys of being single. Here’s hoping that this can help those of you out there who are feeling hard-done-by, hurt, or lonely during this Valentide season. Without further delay – my favorite things about being single.

Single

 Sharing: You Don’t Have To.

Whether it’s a pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine, or something less delightful like toothpaste or toilet paper, you get all of it all to yourself. Not only do these things last longer, saving you money, you get to enjoy it all by yourself. Sorry, Kindergarten Teachers – not sharing is kind of great.

Ice Cream and Wine

All yours, dumpling. Growl if anyone tries to get in there.

Keeping Artist’s Hours: You Get To

Artist’s hours are notoriously odd – you have a sudden fit of inspiration at three in the morning? Get up and write/paint/sew/sculpt/bake it out, honey. You don’t have anyone you’ll disturb by getting up, or anyone to call you back to bed while you’re getting your best work done. Furthermore, if you’re in the middle of a project, you don’t have to break it off just because someone wants some pillow-talk. Just don’t let your freedom interfere with the day job.

Or you can get up and just screw around online. That works, too.

Or you can get up and just screw around online. That works, too.

Speaking of Bed, and also Not Sharing: The Whole Bed’s Your Own

Sleep diagonally, thrash around all night, snore if you’re so inclined; no one else is there with you, so you can do as you like. Some of the Gentle Readers I polled even revealed that they feel free to pass gas when sleeping alone, but lost sleep through trying to hold it in when with a lover. To each their own. No matter what, having the bed to yourself is heaven.

Sleeping Alone

You’ve Nothing To Stop You From Going Off With A Time-Travelling Alien, If One Should Come To Call

I mean, unless you’ve got kids or dependent relations or a very important job, I suppose. Still – you’ve got no baggage to stop you from running off with these fellas.

Doctor and Captain Jack

Meals: No One Complains, Except Maybe You

You can try new things! You can make mistakes! Or, if you feel like slapping a single-serve microwave supper in, you needn’t wonder who that mysterious hair belongs to. No one else is going to be off their feed, because it’s all your fault and you’re the only one eating it – and no one’s watching. Go ahead and add jalapeno and nutmeg, because it doesn’t matter to anyone else.

Jalepeno and Nutmeg

Wine And Netflix Are Way Less Judgmental Than A Significant Other

I know, I know – we started this post with wine, and we’re ending this post with wine. That’s because Wine is pretty great, y’all.  Wine and Netflix are pretty much the perfect pairing for an evening in – and let’s face it, though the single life is glamorized as a constant whirl of evenings out, we all need to recharge our batteries. Watch what you like with no one to complain about it, and pair it with a nice Riesling. Yolo!

Wine and Netflix

Happy Valentine’s Day, Gentle Reader, whether you’re single, paired, polyamorous, or somewhere between. And if you’re single? I hope this helped. All my love, kittens.

Kittens

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About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
This entry was posted in Drama, Etiquette, Holiday Guide and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Why I’m Glad To Be Single

  1. Chwineka says:

    Never stopped Rose. 😛

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