Which Contains Pearls, and a Tiara

As you may have gathered, Gentle Reader, I’m moving to Tacoma this weekend, and therefore leaving my job. While I’m obviously looking for work as we speak*, there are a few items on The List that are, essentially, “Buy the Thing that you’ve wanted forever.” I thought that, just in case, I should take care of that before my finances became even more unpredictable.

An Hundred Inch Strand of Pearls

The Task(s):

  • Obtain a rope of pearls of my very own that have never belonged to any relatives before me
  • Own an actually posh Tiara, actually
  • Start Carrying, and using, a parasol regularly

The Execution(s):

I used to use eBay regularly years ago, but it’s been a long time – I’ve put my modest disposable income towards experiences rather than things,when possible. However – is it so much to want to have a tiara? To have pearls of your own, that don’t have a long backstory and need reknotting? To want one year in which one’s skin isn’t magenta from March through October? Of course it isn’t.

Parasols are the ultimate in U. V. protection. You should also use sunblock, and sleep in a coffin.

Because of various difficulties with my bank, I purchased a prepaid eBay gift card one week, determined to buy just what I’d come for, and walk away. And I got the pearls – an hundred inch strand of cultured Akoya pearls, though not of the highest quality. But the amount I had left and the cost of the other things I needed to purchase were at odds; I used the card up on cunning little surprises for myself – a new rainbow boa for Pride, a new cigarette holder, a baculum.

A baculum is a penis bone; the one I bought was from a Raccoon. Also, Iceland has a museum of dick bones in its capitol city.

The next week, I got another card. I picked up the parasol – black Battenberg lace, because I’m gothier than thou, naturally. There was actually enough leftover to get a cheap tiara, too, but not one of the level of class I craved – so I got a fan to match the parasol, and some smelling salts,  and some sunglasses. This was ridiculously entertaining, and most of these purchases were unnecessary – but I was having way too much fun to stop, despite the fact that I should be saving money.

An elderly flapper who is swooning on a chaise longue

What? Like you never swoon? The smelling salts were entirely necessary.

The next week, I got a tiara. Yes, it’s set with rhinestones, but who cares for diamonds, anyway? We all know the diamond market’s artificially controlled and diamonds are common and also basically murder. No thanks. I would have liked sapphires, though, but it wasn’t to be. But a tiara’s on its way, anyway. As well as a cane. And a second feather boa†. And a REALLY cute floral blazer. And maybe some dead butterflies under glass – I can’t remember if I got those or not.

Vintage Diamond and Sapphire crown-style Tiara

If someone wants to get me THIS, though, I won’t object.

The Verdict: Dear lord, I love online shopping. I mean, I’m anxious about a job anyway, because I need to pay rent and tuition and eat, but what if I’m not able to buy fancy things that I find after several glasses of wine at 11 p.m.? I would just die!

I’m a classic Taurus. Don’t judge.

So yes. I would acquire all these things again, and more. This was fabulous and opulent and filled some otherwise empty Friday nights – and I’ve got some nifty loot to show for my hours of toil. Yes, please.

The Ebay Logo


* If you’re local to Tacoma and know of anything that would hire me, please let me know. Like, ASAP. Please and thank you.

†To be fair, the secondary boa isn’t for me. Ms. Durham’s son, who is seven or nine or something, has expressed desire for a lime-green boa, and a boy that age should have a boa to play with – and sending a package to the kiddo might cure my baby fever. Who knows?

About Ty DeLyte

Madame DeLyte has suffered a grave disappointment - YET AGAIN - and still believes that freedom, beauty, and truth are what's valuable, rather than vulgar cash. He'd add love to that list - but, well, what can he say about love?
This entry was posted in Drama, The List and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Which Contains Pearls, and a Tiara

  1. selkielady says:

    Before anyone asks Ms. Durham knows the boa is coming and is having a hard time keeping her mouth shut about it.

  2. Pingback: Post the Thirty-Sixth: The Red Dress | Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor

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