In Which Madame DeLyte Joins Grindr

Gentle Reader, I’m sure by now you’re familiar with the “dating” app that launched a thousand ships. If you hadn’t guessed from the title, I’m talking about Grindr – a mobile application which allows gay and bisexual men to show one another pictures of their torsos and discover how many feet away they are from one another and who can host their date.

Typical.

Rather than trying Scruff or Hornet, I was determined to try the original – or at least most notorious – phone-based hookup device for my kind. Of course, as I’m constantly reminding people, I refuse to apologize for who I am; in a sea of faceless ripped gym-bodies, I readied my profile picture:

Just a casual afternoon look, y’all.

Grindr is notorious for being a little sleazy, Gentle Reader, and I’m as delicate as the flowers I wear at my throat. But how bad could it be? I was sure I’d get a few inquiries, and I planned to send out a few messages to likely looking boys, and maybe I’d make some new friends. My profile in full, Gentlefolk:

Within five minutes of joining the site, someone offered to pay me – me – to come and top him. Me, the High Femme. Excuse me? But I was bound to respond naturally, as myself, you know – so I audibly said “Golly!” and sent this back:

Strangely enough, there was no response. Not all my encounters were so forward, or so bleak, though! One fella seemed to love my outfit, and was wondering what the occasion had been:

Another, who has been an absolute doll and who I’m still talking to, has seen me around town. Not that I’m hard to miss.

Long story short, Gentle Reader, I’ve been enjoying the hell out of this app, have not hooked up with anyone once because I am a lady, and have been making some actual friends. I mean, the sleaze factor is there. Definitely. And there has been a lot of the whole “No Femmes” thing, which was kind of the point of me joining. But still. All in all, this has been a rather positive experience. I was surprised.

Some fellas were rather more insistent than others, and some I was frankly alarmed by. Some were very sweet, and some I’m glad not to know. The big question – will I be keeping Grindr on my phone, though? – the answer is surprisingly yes. Though joining Grindr and behaving as I always do was less hilarious than anticipated, I find that the gents who message me have been almost universally worth chatting with. Cheers, Gentle Reader.